Aux I: THE SCREAM

"The mind and emotions are auxiliary to each other. Passion is auxiliary to art" This statement was used in defining "auxiliary". I liked it a lot.
I wanna scream very often... out of joy, out of infinite sadness, out of emptiness or fullness... I have always suffered from intensity... I wanna scream here.
I would love to make this AUX of mine important and and full of sense. It would become an open gate to this different reality that is existing inside of me. Every visit here would be simply diving into the process of creating sounds, visions or words. I need visitors though, just to at least walk through what I have already built in this brand new untouchable world, so they help it staying real.
I would completely let the theory of probability to take its place here. I would let all of the fantasies develop and grow or die independently. Sometimes though, i wish I get out of there with a real object of expression.
Everything I was ever creating was never final, the process is never-ending, going on now in the background of this thought... One timeless symphony. My goal here is to cut some pieces, make simple edits of this symphony, extract the beauty and let it be listened to, served. I am tired of putting too much essence and too much nothingness in front of me myself as the audience. I can never deal with "too much"... So help me, grab a piece....
The days are really bright when I am inspired and able to transform the energy that gets to me into music, or drawing or story... Or just another role I will be continuously playing all my life, bringing it as closer to perfection as I can...
But here are gray days, and even black days...Sometimes I just get stuck into myself, chasing my own tale. The play never ends, emotions are locked inside, and the tension makes my breathing process too difficult... Looking for myself inside of myself, being totally blind to recognize the woman in the mirror, the woman who speaks, the woman who makes love, the woman who cleans the house, cooks, dances, sings... The woman who gave birth...
Sometimes I need the others so desperately... Need other worlds to jump into, to enjoy other dreamer's self-expressions... I wanna feel invited to their worlds, to feel their souls, to hear them, to see them, to even judge and love them maybe let them love me as their audience...I shamelessly admit I need them as much as I need to be heard, read, seen, touched, felt, judged.
MY ADDICTION TO MUSIC HAS GONE TOO FAR THOUGH. I feel like sometimes I am too weak because of it, and easily manipulated by the music that I love... I have spent too much time being trapped in a song...LOOOOOOVE IT....

Despite of it all, knowing that music itself is a reason enough to live for, I am trying to introduce my Little Precious One to this beautiful perfect world of sounds: noises, voices, songs, albums, soundtracks...

She is amazing artist since she was born. I am the witness of the moment she took the first breath and then engaging her whole little pink body she let the air out through her lungs, then the vocal folds, then all her little articulators got their first job in producing these highly intricate air disturbances that we hear as sound waves, and then they have their own frequency, wavelength and pitch and my Little One presented her unique tone of her voice! She was heard and admired for the first time! She produced such a loud scream, straight from the heart, amazed by the world she got into... GIANT CREATURES STARING AT HER - THE GREATEST MIRACLE, US - THE CREATORS IN TEARS OF JOY FOR HEARING HER VOICE, SEEING HER LITTLE PERFECT BODY, CLAPPING AT HER FIRST SHOW, her glorious screaming and crying. I was listening her as she was adding this perfect new harmony in the world.
HER FIRST BREATH SHOUTED OUT into a S C R E A M.
I guess that scream is the first piece of art we all have already known how to do so successfully that everybody is touched!!! Even some random strangers!!!

THE SCREAM! IT IS MAGIC THAT SHALL NEVER FADE...

I wanna scream like that again. I wanna mark this perfect world with my existence, somehow... Screaming!!!